Breakie for Dec 12

Finally got our Samsung note 2! Haa.. The long awaited phone. Delivered to my office.. Though it'll b better if we can get it tog at the branch like iPhone 2yrs back. Haa.

Can't wait to charge and play w it soon! 

Tml is dec alr! Dec 2012! They say the last day of the world is 121212. Not sure if it's real but I think Dec gonna b a good month for me! I started doing banking sales for officially 6mths! Hope I will like and can do for long for good! I wana earn a lot of money within a short time!! 

Suddenly got strong feeling that dec will have some good happening. I wonder what it is. People see me like 10+ yrs not attached, I feel the other way round instead at times. Haha. But this time, I'm gonna feel the same way others see. It's time for a change. I shouldn't be too contented with my life.. All these are just not enough. I wana work hard for the life I wan. I can't be who I used to be anymore. I need to make changes.. Hope I can do so. While tryin hard to make changes, I hope everyone around me will be happy for me, n be happy themselves too. I love all my friends n family very much. I hope they do n feel the same way for me too. 

Nov has been a long and difficult month for me..I've not felt so unhappy and worse for the longest time and this is the worst in my last 10yrs.. I dun wana ever experience such feeling again..i dun wana always be the loser anymore..i dun wana be such a crybaby anymore..Good bye Nov 12.. i welcome Dec 12~and 2013 and many more months and years to come!

I need breakie. <3 acc="acc" me="me" pray="pray" who="who" will="will">

27.11.2012

I know my sis is unhappy. Of cos will be unhappy and sad. I'm sad for her too. But I want her to be happy with the person who can make her happy too. Not like this.. Can she find the right person so she does not have to go through all these ordeals? She does not deserve all these cos she is a good sis, a really good person, a fantastic my best Fren. She deserved to hv happiness only. I'm not at all like her. She is strong where I m not. If I really leave her, will she be happier? I don't wana be her tripping stone. I jus want to be her angel by her side, protecting her always like what she always do for me.

I hope she can be stronger n move forward. She'll meet a better someone! She will. 

If the person takes thing lightly and is so selfish, she truly doesn't deserve my sis' love and effort at all. This is not abt seeing a future together, but whether she is worth the effort and whether we have happy moments together. I hope she can meet someone who shar same views and sentiments w her. One who can compliments each other. 

When 2 persons are together..

Are all these worth it? I thought only I'm unhappy. Y is my Fren unhappy too? Y is everyone unhappy? Does this means all the efforts put in are wasted? Why mud that person self created so many prob? Y mus that person tink I'm a threat? Y mud that person tink we are such unethical, despicable pple that do things behind pple's back? Where's the TRUST?

I hope Mimi lim can b happy. I hope that person will hope the same too n not be so selfish. 

I'm touched when my Fren says she could not hold back her tears when we talked about leavin each other's life. I can't bear to leave u. I wana grow old w u. I'll do anything for u. Even if it means only sadness for me my Fren, u know that? I wan u to b happy w me. I dun wana be a useless person who brings only prob for u. I'll b sad if u wan me out of ur life.. But I'll do anything for u if u really decided on that. I'll jus need time to adapt.. 

Growing old gracefully..

I didn't expect to go out w min sis n sasa for lunch tdy. I thought I wld say I'm not feelin well. Will not see her. In e end, I went. The lunch turns out well. We chit chatted for awhile fr 1-3.45pm. After that, she wana go Vivo shop for Xmas present. I wana say bye to her but in e end, I acc her to Vivo. I jus can't bear to see her being alone, even for a small period of time. Even I know after that she will say bye to me n I gotta make my way back home myself. I thought I'll be able to stand strong by what I wana do, not meet her for these period. But I can't bring myself to do it.
I did wat I wana do today, but yet I'm afraid I'll go mad again like yesterday again.. N give her probs again. I dun wish to.
M I doin things right? Is this wat she wants? On my way home, I called her. I guessed she will b bored thus I called cos I dun wana her to feel bored. Y hasn't she called me instead? Y? Was she afraid to talk to me?
 I will b ok for ur sake Fren, my Sis.

Somebody MSG me: Haha let's hope that both of us will grow old into nice and caring 👵👴 (grandma and grandpa) hahaha.

He hope that we can all grow old gracefully tog. 

That's wat I hv always told my sis. That I will grow old gracefully w her. 

Shld I jus disappear?

Stupid me.. Y did I hv expectation again? Y did I tink that she will acc me the whole day? Is there a prob w me? Y Izit only I'm the one who wants her companionship? Y doesn't she needs mine any more? Or have this been the case for all these while? She is tired already.. Y dun she jus ignore n let me b? I dun understand? Y when 2 person finds it diff to b tog, wat kept them holdin  on to each other? Y mus I b the one who caused so much probs to her? Y mus it b me? Wat is wrong w me? Y did she showed me she put in effort but on e other hand she told e person that she has acc me enough alr? Y Izit she told me she has nothin to do nothin to shop n nex moment she told e other person she wana shop for stuffs. I dunno whether the thing I feel n see n hear is real. For a moment I really feel she wana us to meet n know each other. I was actually convinced n wana give us a chance to meet n know each other. But the truth is, wat Shld I do? I dunno how to face even my dear sis. Wat is happening? I'm feelin v v weak all of a sudden. I'm confused. I dunno wat to do except to hide n cry. Sometimes  I dunno wat I'm cryin for.  Jus cryin non stop till I feel numb..Is my last day comin? .. I dunno wat to do.. Pls teach me wat to do. I jus wan to b happy. I jus wan u to b happy..

24.11.12

Tell me wat Shld I do. I dunno how tO behave the right way. It's jus me. Imjus human..sorry ur effort gone to waste. I know u r tired. Let's jus not meet if u r.
I really hate myself 

明明就懂妳的用心，但却说那样的话I really hate myself

明明就已经跟知己说我ok,你们因该有全部的时间在一起，但又情绪冲晕头i really hate myself

明明就很在意你，却要叫你不要管我

I really hate myself, 明明就要你能开心，但还是我给你最大的问题

I really hate myself for not being able to be the good sis u wan me to be. U r the best.. I dun deserve your effort. Pls ignore me. I'm jus mad again. I appreciate what uve done for me as always. I ask myself, what hv i ever done for u? Like wise, the problem lies w me, not w u or w others. I'm the root of all problems. I'm sorry my presence has always obstruct u to move forward or do anything. I would not forgo this frenship n kinship we've built too.I'll try harder. If not pls tell me to go away fr ur life if u need to. I'll respect n understand. 

21.11.12

Im beginning to have better appetite..but dunno izit i cannot eat too much still. Everytime after i ate slightly more, i feel discomfort in my tummy n even LS today.
I finally went lunch w my min sis today after so long..together w Sasa. M happy to see them both and lunch w them.. Sasa told min sis that im always so happy. Min sis said thats cos Sasa has not seen me when im sad.. Y wld i wana let others know im sad? I oso wana protect..i dun wish pple to probe..cos i know if they do, i cannot hold back my tears.. n this will lead to more n more probing which i do not wish to. This is my only way to protect myself, and my min sis.. Im not happy, but wat can i do? I dun even wan min sis to know im not happy..i wan her to ease her mind off me, so that she can conc on the stuffs she wana do. Work, n that person, n family n many other stuffs. Her world does not revolve round me only..i understand.
After the dream, i started to set lesser expectations..i realised expectations are what gives you the most disappointments.. Im not happy, im not. But wat can i do? Life goes on..nobody will die from sadness..
Min sis asked me y i can be gd fren w Ber. I dunno cos i hv never thought if it.. I tink it jus came naturally.. But after pondering for awhile, i realised its cos of Min sis..who else?
She set the stage well for us to know each other, n we have gd impressions of each other..We spent time w each other, take care of each other, travel cum shopping mates for years n share gossips like any other girl friends will do.. We meet each other almost every week..I like bernice cos i tink she is worthy of my frenship. Though she has alot of flaws, but who does not? I see her sincerity..most impt, sometimes from her, i find the things that im lacking, even the feeling (sad n happy) that im feeling when im w Min sis. Im always grateful to those who appeared in my life, lend a helping hand lifting me up during my dull days.. I'll rem them for life.. (the gd kind) Most imptly, I see her treating min sis w a sincere heart before..at least thats what i feel.
But im curious, did min sis tell her the same thing abt our history like she told that person now? If yes, i tink Ber has got a really open heart, willing to accept. If no, thats the way to begin w since its all history,Y bring it up?
Im happy for Ber that she has found her love n had a family of her own now.. :) fr the bottom of my heart..
Same goes for my Min sis..i sincerely hope she will be happy w what she has now.. n feel loved.
Its time for me to do the same, n i hope i get the same blessings from my dearest frens too..