last year same day

exactly a year back..we just came back from BKK. It was our last trip together.. for now. I hope its not forever.. Well it was an enjoyable trip though i was not feeling really good. I had bad food poisoning the night before and was LS-ing and Vomitting quite badly.. Im so grateful to have you with me at times like this. It was a memorable trip to remember..

a year has pass by just like this..actually it was not like what i said so easily..it didnt pass by this easily..

life was tough without you.. you would not know what i've been through. Likewise, i would not have known what you have gone through.. i'm not happy..never once happy in this past 1 year ever since i knew you and her were together.. its just like yesterday. I remembered i was at USS w my family and you sms-ed me that you are going for a movie w her and dinner at Vivo..ever since that day, my life has changed drastically.

Actually you have made my life changed.. we could have been happier. but you have chosen to ignore me.. perhaps you are happier this way, i respect you. I'll deal with myself, my own emotions. you dont owe me anything..u r not responsible for me too.. I should be in control of my own life.. I've chosen to be unhappy without you. I've allowed myself to be in this state..

through out this year..i have tried to live my life without you. To accept the fact that you have given up on me, your sis, your fren for 13years.. i tried to do things that i used to do with you..but without you this time round. i wana show myself that i can do that. of cos i can..but the feeling is different. its missing something. you are missing from my life.. that's what is missing. i tried travelling, going movies / play, shopping with friends and alone.. its a new experience i agree.. but something is just not right. every single process, i'll be reminded of you. only by going through all these motions did i realise that it has been the most wonderful part of my life to have known you. i've never regretted knowing you. i only regretted not being a better fren for you..and losing you.

the recent SHE concert was good..if only you were there. i was enjoying myself in the concert and suddenly, tears will jus appear..u r missed dearly by me.. The words on the envelope you asked Sasa to pass to me, i hope you really meant what you wrote..: not the time yet, thanks
i'm feelin hopeful cos of these 5 words..i'll wait patiently for u.

for all these years, i thought i can be independent and can be single..it didnt occur to me that cos i always have you around to accompany me. that's why i dont feel lonely.. i understand one day you will need to find your love and life..i dont wish and hope for anything. i only wana be your sis, your fren for life..till we grow old.

i hope you will be happy.. and happy w me in your life too. i really hope in this past year, you have learnt what is dear to you and you have the ability to hold on to what you want., please dont be like me.. im such a failure.

thanks for always being taking good care of me.. regardless what happen, you will always be on my mind. and i will pray for your well being..