生命重要的朋友

给：我生命中一位最重要的朋友，

谢谢你的一切。
因为遇见与认识你，让我感受到生命的完整。
As always, i feel proud and happy to have you my fren..thanks~

你一辈子的朋友

只要。 。 开心。。

好久没看到那个白白臭臭的。。好想念它。
sniff sniff sniff..gg crazy soon le..
ah boi 你还好吗？有想想我吗？
sniff sniff sniff...

最近好像不是很好。。我的朋友也好不开心。。。
我好担心，但我想她不会要我这样为她担心。
她自己一个人能承担吗？
我好想帮她。。因为我要我的朋友开心。
我也不想3个人的友情有什么变化，但如果实事是这个样，我会always be there for her to support her 的，to tide her through the rough patches if any..

我只想单纯的要她开心，我只想做她一辈子的朋友。
希望我们不要在有争吵了。。

Hope we will have more luck, better luck..must find a better and higher pay job soon!
I wana go Taiwan, Australia, alot of places!! together with you and with my family..hee~

*pray*

15 May 2010

在今天的之前，我还很害怕她会sms我叫我别和他们一起看戏。也怕在Alice's 那儿，她不会跟我说任何话。我都错了。我想多了。
是开心的。但心里又担心。

我就是这样茅盾。
可是如果我不想多，也可见我对这件事的严重性。

开心of cos是她有应我，说话。但我们好像就淡不到几句。

是我自己在害怕。是的。因为我每什么脸去要求她做些什么回应。
可是，我又不想miss any chance of speaking to her..

她一值是保持着proactive 的状态。
我想，因该是她不想对我太好了。她每次说我会得寸进尺。:(

我不会的！但我不想她在以为我每次要dictate 她。我不要她不开心。或需她只想保护自己。
我活该。

这一次，she did not reply to any of my apology smses..我不懂这代表什么。

我剪了一个“阿蠢”头回来了。。是在开玩笑吧。
anyway, like what she used to tell me: Let nature takes it's course..

我会努力，不会悔心得。

Robin Hood 里的一句：let us rise and rise, till the lambs become lions. (never give up)

Fren..pls give me a chance..our frenship will last till the end de..

希望ah boi 没事。。 我好想它。。。

SHE

I mus rem to post the day me n fren met and shook SHE and the wonderful concert of cos!
I mus post more happy stuffs..no more unhappiness le..pls ah bing.
U r in control of ur life, whether you wana have happy entries only.. Jia You!

drEam..

everyday's routine- i wake up, i prepare for work den wait for bus..listen to music but actually listening to other voices..slp on bus, dream of stuffs..alighted and i will call her..i know she won't answer, but i just wana call..my hopes are still high..at least i tried..i know i won't regret.. im still e same stupid fren whom she knows and knew..
work is hell lately, i can oni go toilet maybe once per day, go lunch, den mayb another time..never ending work, but hacked and hell with them!
i'll go off latest at 630pm..sometimes i wonder, when did i ever make a right decision?i'm such a failure..i cannot do anything right, yet i'm always complaining..i can't even be guai guai de..always making pple angry.. i'm jus being very spoilt..making alot of pple unhappy..wat is happening?
i go home on time, have dinner, sometimes i jus say i had mine le..my mama asked qns..what should i say?i dun even want to think wat have happened though those voices are always there to remind me every second..
i wanted to know how is her..is she happy w work or stuffs, beside i know the fact that she is angry with me..i wanted to know but i dun dare..it jus feel terrible..
i'm always guessing ..i dun like.
i tell myself, mayb i shld be like her too..like what Ber says, jus ignore let her be will do..
if only i can care less..but i can't.
i really love my fren..i cant possibly act like nothin have happened and jus let things be..moreover i am the caused of it..i should bear responsibilites and go through all these..
To some, its nothing terrible n bad..jus ignoring u mah..but to me, i dunno y..i will jus feel scared.i'm a scaredy cat..whenever i dunno wat to do, i will jus hide..i will jus slp..
i can slp whole day, cause i know my dream will be better den reality..but reality hurts..jus like wat i always dream of..that nobody has ever left..everyone is still with me.when i wakes up, this is the kind of pain which is most unbearable..
i hope all this will end soon and someone will answer to my years of prayer..i jus wish to grow old together with her, be her fren till the day i die.. :(

Actions and Consequences

i think i'm being a spoilt brat..no wonder my fren says she cannot stand me anymore.
Y am i being so Ren Xing ne?
i dun have the rights to do so..

My fren is right to ignore me and be angry with me..
i should stop asking her to stop being angry with me..i should not take away her rights from doing so
My fren is doing the right thing..when you love your friend, you protray tolerance but not indulgence..
If she is not angry with me or if she don't ignore me like what she is doing now, i would not learn right?
She loves me..she treats me as her friend..she dun wana me to be a disgrace, she wants me to learn..but i'm just too stupid.
I'm really a stupid fren..y am i doing this time and time again to make my fren disappointed?

I'm ashamed to sms or talk to her actually..but another side of me just do not wish to lose any contact with her..
My mind is in a struggle..
I even have the urge to sms her to ignore me, cos i deserved it..but i just cannot do it..how?

One must learn to answer to one's action..this is act of a mature adult
I should face up to the truth.
Truth is, i did something bad, and i should be brave to admit it and accept the consequences.
Life is hard..and life is even harder when you lose your fren..
But who can i blame but myself?

阿麼，求求你帮帮我好吗？我好害怕。。

reply

When thing are no longer quantifiable, its where the heart comes in to feel..

伤心。。对不起

以前我就有问过自己这个问题--为什么大多数会写日记时，是当我不开心时。
我想到答案了。
因为我每次不开心时，我没有朋友能述苦，因为每次我会不开心，正因为我把我的唯一的朋友弄伤了，弄火了。我活该，不是吗？

我也不明白，为什么她对我的容忍量是这么的少。
她说是累积的。那是不是在告诉我，这10年来，我所做的一切，她不开心不满意的胜过我的好。。也许这只是我太高估自己了。完全根本一开始都没什么好的吧。。

昨天她所说的一切，一值在我脑海里不停的从复。就好像坏掉的casette,不过播的是伤心的片曲。
我觉的她正处于在很痛苦之中。明明就很受不了我，但却又是我的朋友，我的姐姐。。

问题出现在那里？我为什么找不到呢？应该就是因为这样，我一直一次又一次的伤害她。
我越在乎的事或人，越想保护并一直守住的，往往越没办法办到。反而弄巧反搓的机率很高。

我昨天真的是很伤心。一直跟自己说不要哭，但眼泪就不由自举的一直流。我不是在博取任何东西，相信我，我只是真的真的很想哭。心里真的是很痛。也顾不了型像了。

i did wat i did yest not out of disrespect, i hope u wun lump everything together.
showing disrespect is not jus 1 or 2 incidents n u concluded it de..u shld b able to feel who respect u n who dun in ur life.u shld b able to know who is genuinuely respecting u n who isnt..y am i sentenced jus becos of tt?do u really have to do so fren?
who do not make mistake?everyone does..i might make more den others..but i do things based on concience and i dare say i've always treated u with my upmost respect, trust, love..i have the courage to admit my mistake, n apologise to u.i said i wld change n i realli put in my heart to do so..

i admit i'm always the one who disappoint u e most too..i'm sorry.

请你不要很轻易的就说不要我。这些话说了出口，只会扩大对大家的伤害。我一只深信，你是因为生气，才会说出口的。我们可以一直好好的下去好吗？
我们是朋友，是姐妹，不是情人，因该没有break up的对吗？

我最恨的人，是你，刘蕙冰。如果你的existence只会带来不开心给你身边爱护你的家人和朋友，那你真的是好无价值的一个人。为什么你就不能像ella，做一个照明灯，只把欢乐和笑声带给大家呢？