Life without my bestest Fren sucks~ I never once expected u will really leave me.. I'm so silly. I rem I've said a few times to u that in the event if I made u unhappy, I will leave ur life. Now I know it's impossible for me to do so.. I can never do that cos I really wanna spend my every min every sec w u. I wan every part of my growing up life to have u in it.. However for the past 1 year, my life was totally without u. I'm surprised I'm still able to be here typing out my last blog for the year.. I went into depression unknowingly.. My weight jus dropped fr 47kg all the way to 38kg.. But I managed to climb back to the now 44kg and still going up at the rate I'm binging on the junk food.. This is bad..
The times I cry without a reason has significantly reduce.. But recently I noticed I have been crying from my dream.. Wat is going on?
My mama's health isn't really good and it really worries me.. At 1side I wanna give up on myself.. I wan ago without food, I wanna feel sad just the way I feel and don't wanna care about a lot of things..I smoke occasionally and I dread doing that.. But another side, I wanna keep myself healthy. I went jogging as and when I feel like and hv the energy cos I wanna be there anytime for my mama. I don't want her to worry about me.. Which I can tell she is.. I'm so sorry to those who cares and is worrying for me.. But sometimes, I jus can't help it. Many a times, I look at mama and wish I could tell her straight in her eyes that her daughter is really unhappy and sad.. But I can't.. It's tough.. I feel lonely. Not cos I need someone to be with me.. But I feel lonely cos my only Fren no longer wants me anymore..
Early this year, I got to know that Joey has left salon for her studies from Alice. I thought that's temporary but behind my back of my mind, I thought for a sec they might hv fallen out like me and u. Of c so I wish it's not the case.. They have been ferns for so long. How c an relationship/friendship be so vulnerable?!
Recently, Alice asked if me n u is alright. Did u tell her about us? She wanna asked me more I could tell.. But I don't wish to say anything n told her I'm positive we will be alright. That's what I told ur mum too. I choose to believe that we will be back to how we used to be..
Regardless how signs and your action are telling me how u don't wish to contact me, how u don't want me to be in your life anymore.. I believe you have ur reason for doin so. I'm sad.. That u blocked me from u. I'm sad.. That I'm no loner part of your life.. I'm sad, that u can really jus don't contact me.. Totally ignoring me.. But I choose to believe you have your good reason and is for the good so us. I'll wait patiently.. Regardless how long. Like what u always tell me.. We will never give up on our family. I will never give up on you my Fren.
I miss ah boi, your parents, and you.
I pray for your well beings.. I pray you will b happy everyday. I pray you can live your life to the fullest, the way you like it to be. I pray we will be frens forever. Happy 2014 Fren. U know I'm always here.
Thanks for your SMS on Xmas eve eve. Appreciate your Xmas wish. Hope you like this iPad air fom me.
Quote: 命里把一个达浪带走，必定还给你一个达浪。
Wishes for 2014;
I hope my mama's health will improve , and she will be happy
I hope that my papa can retire happily.. Good health and happy too!
My Fren and friends are happy
My god parents are in good health
Ah boi is healthy and happy, long life *sniff sniff*
I have a good career progression and good pay raise and earn a lot of money
May everything go smoothly and better for me and everyone!
Loves~
