Dec 2012

My Dec 2012 has started very well..I am happy.
I accompany my dearest fren to Asus's service center.spent a good 2hrs waiting and sadly, need to spend $600-900+ to get it repaired! a pity, we aren't spending so much just to get it repaired of cos..rather get a new set.. so, we decided to shop for a new laptop, and that i'll be chipping in for her Xmas present! yea~ :)
Oh ya, we both got our new Samsung Note 2 officially today!! hehe* M excited about it..haha.I need my fren to help me play w it..yes, im an idiot when it comes ot gadgets..hahah! m i a bimbo? nooo!!
I jus have no flair for it la..
Anyway, we went off to Marina Sq after the repair is declined to shop for Xmas gifts..it was raining cats and dogs on our way..super cold and both of us did not bring any sweater out! The moment we arrived at Marina Sq, we went to search for sweater..lol.
In e end, we got ourselves a cardigan each from Mango. I got it as a small gift for her..suits her well. She looks nice this weekend anyway. :) *hers black and mine, baby pink*
Time was abit rush cos we are meeting the ladies (Mary, Sol, Brigitte, Nur and family) at 5pm at Millenia Walk for dinner at halal restaurant Fika.
The serving is so big! We both shared a plate (for 2) of seafood lobsters pasta..so filling. But it seems like we havent been dining, sharing food for awhile. I very much treasured the time we had the whole day, just the 2 of us. While being very happy, i felt abit sad cos i know i wont be able to have the luxury of going out w her, with her companionship as and when like the past.. Our get together depends on the approval of another person now.. How do i not hate her when i dont even know her? M i a saint to start w? sadly, im jus a human, your fren..
Anyway, dinner was ok.But after that, we were at a lost cos we didnt know what to do and where to go.After walking around Suntec City for awhile, Nur n family left. We took a grp pic before that. It was a nice pic.Dunno if im sensitive, but i tink she is afriad that i'll stand too close to her..I seems to have given her alot of inconveniences, or izit the other person who is imposing alot over her..i dunno.
We chit chatted quite abit yest, among the grp, between the 2 of us. We had a good laugh when we recalled the every 1st time we went shopping together for Shitian's bdae present at Suntec City.Amazingly, the CD shop is still around! after a decade..haha! I told her i rem that time where she was so focus in making a box to put the VCDs, and she drooled! Hahha..i dun mean to laugh at her but, such memories are so nice. It makes us feel close once again..like we hasnt leave each other life even once after so long.We came such a long way, all the more we should treasured each other. I should be stronger..At Starbuck, (just 5 of us without Nur n family), we randomly chatted and were all excited over Sol's wedding. Cos we'll be touring Philippines during the trip too, which will be in Aug 2013! M really excited that i might get to go on a trip w my dearest sis again.. I dun wana tink tis way de..but no choice,I know my sis well.. If the other person doesnt like it, most likely she wouldnt do it. She can do exactly what she did when she was w Yvo, askin me not to go BKK. Why cant she do the same now? She can tell me she cant go holiday w me..cos that person (Yvo the 2nd) doesnt like it..Shes always the follower when it comes to r/s..which is so not the Mimi i like and know..perhaps thats why we will never be an item, in the past no, now no, future no too..She will never like me, cos im a follower of her.
I was fortunate to get to stay over at her place yest..thank you so much. But pls, if its a risk, i prefer u dun take it. I told u before that i don't wana cause any troubles to u. Let me feel unhappy or sad, let me bear all the ridiculous pains and everything..I'll do it for u.I'll endure for u..cos i cant bear for you to be unhappy n sad. I cant bear to see u being lonely..
Im happy to see Ah Boi..(sniff sniff*), still the same oh ah boi, i miss u sooo much! kiss kiss*
Im happy to be able to hug my bois to slp..i really miss them.Was tinkin over past few days if i should bring them back, but i tink no. They shld be at her plc de. I'll visit them n hug them when i get the chance..
Im happy to see Godma and Godpa..both of them looks the same, happy and healthy. Im happy that they have asked for me..i miss them too. :)
Im happy to be staying overnight at her place, slping by her side, waking up seeing her beside me. Im very contented already.
We went Westmall to shop for our microsim card and hp cover for our new Note 2. Afterwhich, we went Ber's place for lunch (cooked by SJ) and played w Enen..Today she was feelin abit cranky..(maybe uncomfy cos of teeth growing?) but still very cute..hehhe.
I love En En..she is sooo adorable.. :) Hope to play w her soon again!
We left around 6pm. Fren told me she needs to rush cos the other person is not working and she just got to know.Fren told me she is unhappy, and that she is worried. I can sense her anxiety..this is something i can never see her feelin for me de..
We parted around 6pm.

She told me Yvo and that person are the only 2 that asked her the qn - why she likes them.
Sometimes i wana very much ask her the same too..but not why she likes gals..but y them. Maybe its only me..but as her best fren cum sis, i wan someone who is good for her.Someone who truly likes her, (not make use of her), someone who can make her happy, (not tired) and someone who don't control her (but maybe that's why she likes them)
How can i possible be friend to this person, when all the vibes i got from her is so similar to Yvo? Its so difficult to say bye to Yvo, its like finally we got ourselves out of the shit hole..why would she jump in another..and why would i jump in w her? This time round, i wana be the on looker.I wana be objective and be able to tell her whos good and whos not for her from far.. I know once im in the same hole, i cant see clearly again..I wana be there for her, to be able to pull her out of the hole if she chooses to.
The thing i dun like about that person is, i tink she is not as simple as she seems.Cos of her background, she is far more deep than it seems..her experiences make her a scary person, and her expectation and demands makes people breathless at times.. Thats what i feel about her. I dunno how good she is to my sis. Only she knows and can tell whether the effort she puts in is worthwhile.

I really like my fren's companionship..i like being w her.v simple wish...i thot being her sis is enough. i can be w her like in the past..till the end.
But it seems like im too naive..i din know in order to be with her always, i need to be her partner.. I dunno if im jealous or thinking correctly..I din know only being her partner will bring the whole r/s to another level, a level which supersede all other r/s..a level that allows me to be w her at all times.
I keep tinkin, what is it that she doesnt like about me? Why has she grown tired and sick of my companionship? that's why she prefers someone elses' companionship now.. Im really unwanted once again.Why is this happening? Cos im not her partner..im just her sister.
Is this wat i wan? I love her, but i tink its not that kind of love anymore. But i really just like to be with her..so what does tis say? Im so confused..perhaps someone can tell me what i wan exactly..
I know i cannot bring her happiness..that's why i yearn for her to find someone good.I told her this afternoon to not be so passive, and wait for things to happen, for someone to find her and she just accomodate, make changes to fit into the r/s. Why cant she be the one to look for the right one that suits her? I hope she can be happy..n i tink she will be happier that way. I dun like to see her so tired from all these..she felt burdened..By the 2 of us. Im trying my best already..but she still feels burdened. this is only the 1st month..i wonder whats next to come.. haa. ironically~

They were talking about end of world in 21 Dec 2012..which is a few more days to come.
Do u believe it? I do..but i dont tink its happening yet.
I always tink if its really the end of world, what will i do?
I will not do anything, but perhaps i will tell my loves one my true feeling.
I'll tell my family (mama, papa, minghui and jiejie) that i really love them alot. Its a blessing that im being brought to this world, to be their child, to be their siblings. I cannot ask for more..i am grateful they are always there for me, giving me the supports whenever i need. I love my ah ma very much too..We'll be meeting in another world soon together.. :)
I'll tell my dearest Mimi Lim, that i never once loved some one so much before. I don't like gals, i don't love gals, but i jus like and love her. She jus captured my heart like a thief, there's no explanation. And i just fell madly in love w her then, and perhaps even more madly now so much so that im confused over my feelings. I tink i can almost do anything for her..but im a letdown. Ive no money, im always giving her probs, troubles and disappointment, i dun give her any confidence and assurance..i cant give her happiness. However i would still tell her i love her though she has given me alot alot of heartaches over the years too..If there's a 2nd chance, i would still wana fall in love her like how i did so in JC, but this time round, i will do my best to make her feel the same way i feel for her. I know its crazy but i still love her v much. Thanks for coming to my life..im grateful for knowing you. Though we cant be lovers / partners now, im glad we did once, and that we managed to be sisters, a family now, which is for life. Thanks for always being there for me, taking very good care of me, protecting me like a big sister will do. I wana do the same for u too.I dont wana you to get hurt. I rather myself being the one to take all your sufferings if there is ever any..I'll listen to you n do everything you want me to do within my ability.. so long its good for u fren.I'll protect u w my life.. I love u.
This will be my last words for her..should end of world be coming.

As for now, i'll be her good sister and trustable silly fren for life.. Trust me like i trust u, fren..nothing and nobody can break our r/s. So long we have faith in each other, and truly have a place for each other in that heart of ours. Yes, u must be happy and fortunate.